How to Disciple Someone: A Complete Guide for Beginners
What Is Discipleship?
Before we dive into the how, let's make sure we're on the same page about what discipleship actually is. At its core, discipleship is one person helping another person follow Jesus more closely. That's it.
Jesus modeled this with His twelve disciples. He didn't just teach them in a classroom -- He lived with them, ate with them, walked dusty roads with them. He showed them how to pray, how to love difficult people, how to trust the Father when things got hard.
And then, before He ascended, He told them (and us) to do the same: "Go and make disciples of all nations" (Matthew 28:19).
You Don't Need to Be an Expert
Here's the first thing most people get wrong: they think they need to know everything before they can disciple someone. They imagine a seminary-educated guru with all the answers.
But look at who Jesus chose. Fishermen. Tax collectors. Regular people with regular jobs and regular doubts. What they had wasn't expertise -- it was proximity to Jesus and a willingness to share what they'd learned.
If you've been following Jesus longer than someone else, you have something to offer. Period.
Step 1: Identify Someone to Disciple
Who should you disciple? Here are three good starting points:
New believers. Someone who recently came to faith needs help understanding the basics: how to read the Bible, how to pray, what it means to follow Jesus day-to-day.
Struggling believers. Maybe someone in your church is going through a hard season. Walking with them through it is discipleship.
Seekers. Someone asking questions about faith but not yet ready to commit. Discipleship can happen before conversion, not just after.
Look for someone who is hungry to grow, open to accountability, and willing to commit time. Chemistry matters too -- you don't need to be best friends, but mutual respect helps.
Step 2: Set Clear Expectations
The biggest reason discipleship pairs fizzle out is unclear expectations. Before you start, agree on:
Meeting frequency. Weekly is ideal. Every other week can work but loses momentum. Monthly is usually too sparse.
Meeting length. 60-90 minutes is a good target. Shorter feels rushed; longer can be hard to sustain.
Duration. Commit to a season -- maybe 8-12 weeks to start. You can always extend, but having an endpoint helps both parties show up.
What you'll do. Will you follow a curriculum? Study a book of the Bible? Work through a topic? Having structure prevents aimless conversations.
Step 3: Create a Simple Structure
Here's a basic framework for a weekly discipleship meeting:
- Check in (10-15 min). How are you really doing? What happened this week? Any wins? Any struggles?
- Review (10 min). How did last week's action step go? Any follow-up questions from previous sessions?
- Learn (20-30 min). Read Scripture together. Discuss what it means. Ask questions. This is the heart of the meeting.
- Apply (10 min). What's one thing you're going to do differently this week based on what we studied?
- Pray (10 min). Pray for each other. Pray about what you discussed.
That's it. You don't need a PhD. You need consistency.
Step 4: Ask Good Questions
The best disciplers ask more than they tell. Here are some powerful questions:
- What stood out to you in this passage?
- What does this tell us about God? About people?
- How does this apply to your life right now?
- What's hard about this for you?
- Where do you need God's help this week?
- How can I pray for you?
Listen more than you talk. Your job isn't to have all the answers -- it's to help them discover truth in God's Word.
Step 5: Hold Each Other Accountable
Accountability is what separates discipleship from Bible study. It's asking the uncomfortable questions:
- Did you follow through on what you said you'd do?
- How's your thought life?
- Are you reading Scripture on your own?
- How are your relationships at home?
This requires trust, which takes time. Start with lighter accountability and deepen it as the relationship grows.
Step 6: Celebrate Progress
Discipleship is a marathon, not a sprint. Celebrate the small wins:
- They read their Bible three days this week
- They shared their faith with a coworker
- They apologized to someone they hurt
- They showed up even when they didn't feel like it
Encouragement fuels persistence.
Common Mistakes to Avoid
Talking too much. Discipleship isn't a lecture. Ask questions, listen, guide.
Being too rigid. If they're going through a crisis, forget the curriculum. Minister to the person.
Expecting perfection. They will fail. So will you. Grace is the soil where growth happens.
Doing it alone. Stay connected to your own mentor or spiritual community. You need to be fed too.
How DisciplePair Helps
At DisciplePair, we've built tools to make discipleship simpler:
- Guided curriculum -- Scripture-based sessions with questions and action steps, so you never wonder "what do we talk about?"
- Weekly reminders -- gentle nudges to keep you meeting consistently
- Prayer journal -- track requests and celebrate answers together
- Check-ins -- log your meetings and build a streak that keeps you accountable
You still have to show up. But we handle the structure so you can focus on the relationship.
Start This Week
Don't wait until you feel ready. You're ready enough. Pick one person, reach out, and ask: "Would you be interested in meeting regularly to grow in our faith together?"
The worst they can say is no. And the best? You might just change someone's life.